I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
