It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
