remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
