You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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