New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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