I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
