happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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