I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
