Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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