She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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