Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
