I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
