ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
