I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
