I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
