I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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