watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
