True but thats because hes a fetus.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
