Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
