He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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