I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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