Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
