There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
