Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
