Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
