i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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