If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
