Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
