we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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