Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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