Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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