I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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