what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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