I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
