I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No I am not eating basil off your cock
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
