After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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