dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
