I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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