that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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