Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
