Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
