I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
