Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
