She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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