You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
