My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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