i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
