i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
