I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
