Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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