He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
