hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
