I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
