It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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