you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
